I asked Loverboy about the engagement ring thing ... and he said "Duh." Thanks, punk. Haha. But of course it was followed with a "but that won't be an issue, because I'm going to beat you." Sure. Sure he is. Anyway.

Busy scouring the internet for stuff for my friends Rachel and Alex. They're getting married 10-10-10 and asked me to help. Of course I obliged. Offbeatbride is pretty great for stuff for their wedding. Alex would love a little steampunk or victorian them and Rachel would love Rockabilly and victorian the bes. I think we can find a happy medium here, seriously. No need for a major them - she knows she wants leaves and fall colors. So I think it'll all come together just fine. Just don't be surprised if I end up talking about their wedding more ... you know, since it actually has a date and all that good stuff. Ha.

I'll have a date one day. Loverboy told me the other day that by this time next year we'll be married. I told him that was gonna be hard. And almost unacceptable. Ha. I need waaaaaaay more time than that.

If I propose, can I still get an engagement ring?

Last night, while playing apples to apples with some friends ... the topic "icky" came up. And somebody put in wedding bells. I kinda had to agree. Because wedding bells mean to me that gross stuffy wedding that I've been to and hate so much. But that got Loverboy and I talking.

I told him I may just propose to him.

So he declared a race.

Watch out. I may be engaged without having to wait.

Okay, I'm a slacker. I really only post at work. But it seems I'm too busy otherwise. Loverboy brought up engagement AGAIN the other day. Which lets me know that I'm not the only one super ready for this thing.



So, I'm perusing the blogs. As always. And I have so many things to blog about. But today - flowers. I LOOOOOOOOOVE flowers. My Aunt's a florist. But a part of me can't help but realize that it's impractical to have a ton of flowers at my wedding - they just seem wasteful ... I've never taken a bouquet home and treasured it. And flowers die. That may come as a surprise to you, but they do.

And my favorite flower is the daisy. Like, seriously - they come in so many colors as Gerbera daisies and they'd just look so cute as accents. Not on the cake or anything like that - just maybe a few daisies here and there. So, my plan:
Each bridesmaid will carry one daisy
I'll cary a mixed bouquet of daisies
I don't like boutonnieres so nothing to worry about there
And I have my centerpieces planned out ... but I may add one in a fun vase to each table ...

Is that lame? I just don't want alot of flowers that are just going to die ... but I can't imagine having a wedding with no flowers at all.

smelling the daisies, paperhouse

Revelation today!!!

Okay, so a friend of mine and I were talking about weddings ... and I was explaining to her that I want my wedding to just be a fun gathering, really - the ceremony can be whatever it wants to be but the reception I want filled with FUN FUN FUN! So, I told her, I want board games. And crayons. And markers. And a photobooth. And cards. You get it.

And I don't quite like the idea of tables and assigning tables - but I can understand I may have to assign tables. So, as my brain is spinning I figure out that each table will be a different game! Apples to Apples, Monopoly, Scrabble, Clue, etc. And I mean - I love board games so I'll either already have them or I'll get to keep them afterward. And this eliminates the need for a centerpiece, really. I'm giddy about this idea.

Yes, logistics will have to be worked out ... but I'm ready to put board games on tables. Oooooo .... Risk (though Risk and Monopoly both take an awful long time to play ... hrm), Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land.

Any other fun board games I'm missing out on?

So Loverboy and I occasionally talk about our future wedding. Yeah, corny, but we do it. And my first thought (as someone who loves colors) is to freak out about what our colors will be.

His favorite color's red so that was a no brainer. But what could I join with red? I don't have a favorite color. Loverboy teases me because I don't have a favorite anything. He's surprised I've picked him as my favorite. Haha. Cute, right? You can take a break to puke.

Anyway, wedding colors. Red is a must. I love red too, I must confess. Then I thought - bright bright blue looks really cute with red. And if it's a bright blue I can stray from looking too American Flag like ... though I've heard they make lovely American Flag wedding dresses. Haha. Barf.

And I want something girly ... like a royal purple. And a pretty pale soft yellow ... to tie it all together.

Then I think all that's too much.
And take it down to just the red and bright blue.
Then I see this wedding: http://www.jamiehammondphotography.com/blog/?p=1278

Amazing. I don't wanna copy this wedding, I don't but oh how I dream ... And in my dreams we have fun games, amazing music, fireworks, etc. But they had a more-perfect wedding than I can dream of. I can't afford something THAT spectacular. And I'm worried that even by going to the red and blue I'll end up looking like a copy-cat. No good.

So, back to colors.
Back to the beginning.
Maybe the red, blue, and yellow? Green's pretty, too! And so is orange ... and pink ... and black ... and ... will I ever gain enough decisiveness to choose ANYTHING for my wedding?

FinallyI stopped feeling bad about all my wedding blog browsing. Thank God. I was starting to feel crazy. Especially since I'm not engaged. Especially since Loverboy and I haven't been together all that long really. Especially since, well, I'm NOT THAT GIRL. Or at least I thought I wasn't. I guess you can surprise even yourself when it comes to weddings.
So the story goes like this -
Loverboy and I have talked about engagement. He fully intends to marry me after basic training. And I am soooooo on board. He's been in school and unemployed for the past six months until last week when a friend of mine offered him a job. Yay! It's not the best job, but it's something. So now hopefully we'll be able to get an apartment together soon. And maybe he'll be able to afford that ring without the basic training money. Because that money needs to go to our one-hell-of-a-party-love-celebration! Haha.
He's told me he's even thinking of ways to propose to me. He knows me pretty darn well so knows I want something big. Just like he knows I'm going to want alot of my loved ones at my wedding - I love people - I want them to share my happy moments with me! I think that makes sense anyway. But anyway - he offered to tell me the ideas he's had. And as much as I want to hear them, I don't wanna know - I already know the timeframe (ish) of the proposal but I don't want ALL of the details. I like surprises. I think.
I can't wait, basically. But I also can't help stressing out about all of this. A wedding. Me. Loverboy. Lots of money we just don't have. If I could have a huge wedding/party for $1,000 I'd be set. Of course, we like typical wedding things - warm weather to get married in, pretty venue, alcohol at the reception ... and these things tend to mean more money. And we're broke. Well, really, we're beyond broke. I pretty much don't see a penny of my paycheck in reality. And he just started getting paychecks again.
So I'm not engaged. But I will be. I'm broke. But I won't be? (yes, a little more hesitation on that one) and I just can't wait to be married. But I'm stressed. Yay for that.

So now that I've let you into my stream of consciousness ... I guess I'm out. But I wanted to thank all of the other pre-engaged girls that are blogging about weddings. At least I'm not alone.

At work. Again.
There's no surprise there, really, I suppose. I'm in a very zen mood despite the fact that I got maybe four hours of drunken drunken sleep last night and well, I'm bored out of my mind. But it could always be worse, right?
I need to stop looking at wedding websites. It's disgusting. I see Loverboy's face pasted on the grooms body and my face pasted on the bride's body almost every time. I guess it's good that it's not the other way around. But seriously - when did I get this wedding obsessed? In general I've hated weddings ... but maybe that's because they were always the stuffy traditional ones ... grar. Anyway - I'm building, like, a wedding arsenal over here. And I'm at work. And I want an engagement ring. NOW. Ha.
I guess I should decide on a look for this site. My stolen laptop could really come in handy right now ... I miss the creative suite that would give me hours of design loveliness and entertainment all at the same time. Because, well, design has always delighted my soul. Like seriously. And now ... I can't even pretend to design anything ... hence I just make stupid paint parodies anymore to pass my time. Lame. That's what it is. Lame.
I'm kinda stressed right now, not gonna lie. The bills I have just keep piling up and really, well, getting worse. I would, of course, wreck yet another car ... which the stupid cops came out and just sent Loverboy(and most likely me, too) a fine for. He was driving but it was my car ... hopefully only one fine ... considering I now am out of a vehicle but still paying on it. Great. Really fucking fantastic. And I'm getting rides into work from my mommy. And home to my Grandma's house from mommy too. Cute. What happened to my independence? I feel like I'm growing down instead of up. It's totally possible as far as success and pride goes. My self esteem approaches low low levels often.
Then I remind myself that I'm smart, funny, and charming.
yeah, that gets me by.

I'm at work, as I often find myself, and looking at wedding websites (I'll get married one day, right?) and I come across none other than the poem I previously posted when I'm looking for paper in my desk to sketch an invite. Funny, I think. I wish I could plan weddings for a living. This is fun ... and I have so many ideas ... I just can't wait to get married. Offbeatbride has led me to SOOO many new sites and exciting adventures. I keep wondering when the adventure will get cut short.
It's possible that at some point Loverboy will cut this adventure at some point, you know, when that breaking up thing happens. I'm terrified of that moment. More on that later. Perhaps. It's kinda hard admitting that I'm scared to the point of tears at the thought of Loverboy telling me he doesn't love me anymore or, worse, that he never loved me at all. Part of me feels it's inevitable. The other part tells me this is all too right. He's well, I'm definitely in love with this boy. Big time. Like, scary big time.
And he's planning on proposing apparently ... so that's all kinds of exciting. And nerve wracking. And then there's all the stuff to worry about ... like cost of the wedding and stuff ... and what if it doesn't work out? I'm not sure I could handle that. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I feel so weak and able to be crushed ... like I'm just fragile. Maybe just like my little paper house.